No Frills, Ontario – Wealth-hoarding public school teachers across the province are starting to take second jobs after complaining that the hundreds of dollars they make per year isn’t enough.
“My kid’s math teacher delivered a pizza to us the other day,” explained Terence Millard, a local parent. “Of course I didn’t tip them… the audacity of their kind. Of course they would choose a second profession that people hate just as much to quench their insatiable thirst for money.”
“Greed is good,” explained Cynthia Matheson, a 3rd grade teacher at a local public school. “It’s not that I need the extra $12.50 an hour I get for less than 30 hours of work a week so I can’t collect benefits. I want to be rich! Three meals a day! A bed to sleep in! Coffee in the morning!”
Many in the public sector know of the alleged, insatiable greed of public school teachers who enter the field strictly for the purpose of becoming extremely wealthy just to support their luxury lifestyles which include assets like fridges, sinks, and running water. While the country has done everything it can to keep these creatures’ unending thirst for power in check, they have found a loophole by working a second thankless job the average person hates: grocery store work.
“I caught one of them hunched over in the meat aisle,” explained Galen Weston, the uncorrupted and benevolent president of Loblaws. “I approached slowly, and could see the teacher was salivating while counting a bag of quarters they had made. The greed these people display simply-”, Weston took a break from his story to cough out a few $50 dollar bills before continuing: “…simply horrifying.”
Fortunately, the historically greedy union of teachers has been kept at bay by one brave man, Stephen Lecce, an staunch ally of the incorruptible Ford government and the only one who has been brave enough to stand up to the lust for money and power teachers have shown.
“I just want to make the world a better place,” explained Stephen Lecce while sitting on a throne of golden coins with Doug Ford’s face on them. “I used to believe that public school teachers would be willing to share their massive fortunes with everyone to improve the world. But now I must rely on the private school sector, the only one that has shown they are completely devoid of interest in profit or money, to support the common good of educating our children.”
In related news, Doug Ford has revealed moving forward he will be donating his entire annual salary to his immediate family and friends.
