OTTAWA – As American celebrities and liberal politicos continue to praise Canada’s approach to gun control, the country’s smugness monitors are reporting near record highs.
“In recent years our smugness has dropped a little bit due to Canadians starting to recognize our country was created as a result of genocidal colonialism,” said head of the Ministry of Smugness Martin Habershram. “But now that several blue check marks on twitter have described us as a liberal utopia where gun violence does not exist, we should have enough to last us until January at least.”
“Honestly if Bruce Springsteen or the lady from Will & Grace start posting about it, we might need to buy more containers!”
Much like spice in Dune, Smugness is the key resource to making Canada run. It allows our cheese to be curded, our hockey players to develop a wicked snap shot, and our healthcare system to remain woefully underfunded as long as it remains better than the U.S.
“Sure we literally just had an inquiry about the RCMP allowing a mass shooting to happen, but when I saw a tweet from a guy I know from a thing saying Canada’s police would never allow a mass shooting to happen, I knew I made the right choice being born here,” said Victoria resident Alan Desmond.
In related news, numerous American right-wingers tweeting warning Canada was becoming a dictatorship had only increased the smugness.
