Niagara Falls, ON – While Daniel Kyle is unable to commit to a romantic relationship, the thirty-two-year-old graphic designer knows exactly what he’d choose for his pro-wrestling entrance music. Kyle disclosed this information during his family’s bi-weekly Zoom meeting after his mother joked about when she might expect grandchildren.
“I was in the middle of explaining how AEW’s Cody and Brandi Rhodes got pregnant and how that totally screwed up the timing of this huge multi-sport crossover feud with basketball’s greatest big man Shaq,” said Kyle. “All of a sudden Ma was all like when are YOU going to settle down and have kids?”
Startled by the question, Kyle stammered before informing his mother, father, and two younger siblings that the only thing he knows for sure is that his pro wrestling entrance music would be seminal 90s rap-rock jam “Bawitdaba” by Detroit metal-country crossover artist Kid Rock.
“I know getting the rights to ‘Bawitdaba’ might be difficult but Paul Heyman used to use radio-hits all the time back when he was running ECW,” said Kyles. “It’s not like it’s unprecedented. Tony Khan recently bought the license for “Tarzan Boy” for tag-team Jurassic Express. Of course, if I went to NXT they’d probably make me use a sound alike. Vince is pretty cheap for a billionaire.”
“It was a really weird thing to say,” said Kyle’s father. “We’ve always tried to be supportive of our son’s interests but like…he’s a grown man. I wish he thought as much about his romantic future as he does about fake fighting.”
Kyle has been in an on again/off again thing with not-quite-girlfriend Stacey Andrews for the last four years. While he isn’t sure if he’d like to have kids, get married, or even commit to calling Andrews his girlfriend, Kyle is certain that the crowd pop for “Bawitdaba” would be just too sweet.
“Stacy is great I guess but who knows what the future might hold?” said Kyle. “Like… what if I decided to start training and become a pro-wrestler? Diamond Dallas Page didn’t start his wrestling career until he was thirty-five and he’s one of the greatest of all time. And how would a relationship realistically fit into that?”
