Gingerbread-man trapped in gingerbread-house curses gingerbread-God - The Beaverton

Gingerbread-man trapped in gingerbread-house curses gingerbread-God

AURORA, ON – Early this morning, tiny whimpers were heard from a -house as a gingerbread-man pleaded with his gingerbread-God to end his suffering.

“Woe is me, that I labour each day without end. I have no purpose, no greater cause. I am a delicious husk of my former self,” the little baked good weeped, icing streaming down onto his gumdrop buttons. “End it now gingerbread-God, I dare thee! If ye know any mercy, then release me from my endless hardships!”

The gingerbread-man entered this world a mere three weeks ago, haphazardly assembled by seven-year old twins and their exhausted mother who was just trying to fill an hour between online schooling and . Everyday since, he has known only abject misery.

“I have watched my gingerbread- snatched away and consumed in three merciless bites,” the gingerbread-man said, balling up his adorably small fists. “I’m just so angry that I keep punching the gingerbread-walls and now my house is a mess of crumbs. As if I didn’t have enough on my mind, now I’m worried about mice.”

Surprisingly, the gingerbread-man was once a devotee of the word of gingerbread-God. However, his loneliness of late coupled with the sweet’s turmoil over the state of the world has led him away from what he once considered a great source of comfort.

“This vessel of , , and molasses becomes wearier. I grow more stale and brittle with each passing day,” he paused looking down at the licorice floor. “I can’t just keep reliving the same day, trapped inside this gingerbread-prison. It does something unnatural to a .”

At press time, the gingerbread-man began praying that his host family leave him out for .