COQUITLAM, BC – The residents of the Chung household were in shock last week as the most recent addition to their family, a fighting fish named Stanley, began acting hostile towards them despite being a beta.
“We were so excited to have a pet to love and take care of!” said Vern Chung, who purchased Stanley from Petsmart as a gift for his kids. “But the moment we got Stanley, he retreated into his little underwater castle and didn’t come out. We just thought he was shy… but then he started blaring Chapo Trap House and we knew something was up.”
Fighting fish are known to be solitary creatures. Aggressive tendencies are common, however Stanley had a peculiar habit of punching holes in the walls of his castle and rage quitting, instead of flaring like other fish of his species.
“When he shipped a box of caffeine pills to our house we knew we had an alpha gamer on our hands.”
The betta fish made a name for himself under the gamertag FinDiddle69. He was nationally ranked playing League of Legends and Halo, but rose to notoriety due to his skill in COD.
The Chungs thought it was best to take away his gaming system, which made Stanley more hostile. He refused food, tipped over the plants in his tank, and used rocks to spell out “VERN IS A SIMP” in his aquarium.
Stanley somehow acquired a burner phone and began tweeting about his imprisonment until the hashtag #FreeStanley went viral. The Chungs had no choice but to return Stanley for a clownfish named David, who kept insisting the family listen to his tight five.
