Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay inside all day actually presents a huge opportunity for you.
“The world is your oyster. You can finally be an astronaut, or a deep sea diver, or even a Dentist,” said your dad James. “You could be the world’s fastest runner, or you could buy and own Amazon.com, honestly what’s stopping you?”
“What is happening right now has literally never happened in your lifetime, or ours for that matter,” said your mom Janet. “You have to make sure you don’t miss out on the chance to take advantage of it. You have to do something now before we go back to normal in 2025.”
Your parents then explained that your shrunken income, lack of social interaction, and the shortage of safe jobs available creates a perfect atmosphere for moving forward with your career and life goals.
“Look on the bright side, you have so much more time on your hands now,” explained your mother Janet. “There is so much time to gain a new skill, one that would be super useful if there were job opportunities to use said skill. And with all these people dying, there must be new positions opening up right?”
After you asked what kind of skill you could work on now that might be useful, your parents then stared in silence at the screen smiling proudly. After one minute, your parents then said how “excited” they were to see how you will use the pandemic to your advantage.
“Your cousin Peter is learning Spanish with Duolingo,” said your father. “He can’t legally go to any place where they speak spanish, and he works as a dog walker but…maybe some of the dogs know spanish better than they know english? He’s sort of turning this disaster into a success story you know?”
While your father explained this to you, your mother looked up some other ideas and discovered that “Billionaires made 50 billion more dollars during the pandemic, why don’t you try calling some of them up and asking them what they did?”
“Once you get out there, you gotta pound that pavement, shake everyone’s hand, and drop off some resumes,” Janet said. “Even though no one is physically in the offices where you can drop off the resumes…it’s good exercise! Maybe the janitor will read it before throwing it in the trash!”
Your parents ended the call by saying they are also super excited to meet your new partner as the Globe & Mail said dating has never been easier, so you must have found someone by now.
