HUNTSVILLE, ON – A global ring of wealthy, politically connected child traffickers has been exposed and subsequently brought to justice by a guy on Facebook whose profile photo is a low-res sunset. The profile image was last updated in 2013.
Dominic Barrass has been posting the results of his ongoing investigation on Facebook for the past four years, outlining the connections between numerous major Hollywood figures, high ranking politicians, seemingly random small businesses whose names might be code for something, and Area 51. His daily updates about the secret child sex satanists controlling the government were mixed in with photos of 5G towers, images of historical figures next to quotes they never said, and memes about the differences between men and women. They were seen by people he went to high school with or caught fish near, and eventually attracted the attention of Interpol, leading to the arrest of hundreds of millionaire pedophiles.
“We had no idea how far up this conspiracy went until Mr. Barrass brought all this to our attention,” stated Philippe Schonely, the Interpol officer who first saw the Facebook posts. “Until reading what he had unearthed, it was as if all of us here at Interpol were merely sheep-people — or sheeple — who needed to wake up.”
Barrass has been conducting his independent online investigation by watching whatever YouTube videos get recommended to him by the algorithm and choosing to find deeper layers of meaning in things that suit him. “It’s all right there,” he explained. “If you don’t believe this, you’re probably one of those people that think that earthquakes just ‘happen’.”
According to a statement by the now incarcerated head of the child sex ring, “We deliberately left clues right out in the open for people to see because we were so sure that the public was too stupid to put all the pieces together. We hadn’t counted on the superior pattern-recognition abilities of one lonely guy who shares memes about mind-control.”
Barrass is also widely known as the man who convinced the entire scientific community to admit that the world is flat.
