KINGSTON- Anthropologists were left stunned last week as the colony of mask pimples they had been monitoring advanced past the agrarian stage and entered their own industrial revolution.
“It’s really quite phenomenal how fast they’ve progressed,” says leading Anthropologist/Dermatologist Dr. Kelly Han. “They started as hunter-gatherers, consuming skin mites and extra pieces of leftover food, but now they have started developing their own mills and industry in order to support the growing population.”
The “Maskne” phenomenon has affected thousands of people worldwide as the bacteria and humidity underneath masks provide the ideal environment for pimples to thrive and develop opposable thumbs. From there they begin to form nomadic groups, popping up around the chin and cheeks, with many wars being fought over regions in the nutrient rich T-zone.
According to the carbon data, two major extinctions had occurred on the face in question. A Retin-A prescription threw the prospering acne civilization into a dark age, causing many pimples to be wiped out and survivors to retreat to hard to reach places like the corners of the nose. The other mass extinction was when the host was featured on Dr. Pimple Popper.
Industry began to thrive out of necessity as the demand for quick trade with neighbouring clusters called for first roads and then railroads to deliver sebum and other resources. Certain colonies had prospering oil industries and started to frack deep into the skin in order to obtain more. While this was beneficial to some, an uprising by pimple Luddites resulted in the destruction of machinery to protect their inflammation jobs, creating a burgeoning class struggle between the pore-letariat and the pore-geoisie.
Anthropologists are continuing to monitor the clusters closely and have observed rising economic tension between colonies of blackheads and whiteheads, while ingrown hairs so far have decided to remain neutral.
