OTTAWA – A press statement released by the Pug Unification Guild this morning, stated that the nation’s pugs demand access to human mouths in order to sneeze into them.
“While there are many pressing concerns that affect this specific group of canines, the first and foremost is that we have long been denied wide-open mouths in which we may sneeze,” said a spokesdog for P.U.G. to a group of reporters. “Our breed has been plagued by a litany of respiratory and skeletal ailments, so all we ask is for submission to our one itty bitty demand.”
The dogs of P.U.G. reached this consensus following several weeks of debate at a grumble at a park in the capital. While some advocated for the end of inbreeding, others favoured an increase in stomach rubs. However, all pugs unanimously agreed that they needed an easier means of entry to the oral cavity.
“Sometimes we get excited, and so we sneeze, and other times, we get frightened… and so we sneeze. We are not defined by the cause of our spasms!” barked the president, who also happens to be a pug, of the organization. “If you can tolerate, nay demand, our open-mouth kisses- then you must be willing to let us clear our airways directly into yours!”
Victoria Stroz, a proud dog-mom to four senior pugs, has been advocating for snout-to-mouth sneezes for years.
“I would do anything for my smushed-faced babies,” the young woman swooned. “I respect that they want to sneeze into my mouth at the most inopportune times, and I even encourage it! I haven’t spoken to another human in 3 months, why do you ask?”
The battle for the pugs may just be beginning, however the guild warns that if human compliance is not granted, they may be forced to pull out the big guns and either shed excessively on all human possessions or even, breathe more heavily than usual.
