SKILLMAN, NJ – Band-Aid brand adhesive bandages announced recently that their new range of bandages in various shades of Brown and Black skin tones are expected to offer not much help while simply covering up deeper problems.
“We are very excited to have finally figured this out in the year 2020,” stated Kyle Shay, a representative for parent company Johnson & Johnson. “We hadn’t really thought much about the fact that our band-aids were only able to match the skin tones of white people, in spite of people regularly pointing it out to us for decades, but we’re happy to have finally found a way to do the absolute minimum to address racial inequality.”
This isn’t the first time the Band-Aid brand has offered up this same extremely basic solution. In 2005 the company offered a selection of bandages to match different skin tones, before quickly discontinuing the line. Shay explained that “for some reason, whenever we offer a band-aid solution, it only sticks for a short while before peeling off and leaving things grosser than they were before.”
Johnson & Johnson issued a press release stating that the company is hopeful that this move will allow them to finally show their support for the Black community, specifically by taking their money. In response to criticism about how long it took to make this tiny, cosmetic change, the press release notes that “we have always honored and respected Black and Brown individuals who did not wish to wear band-aids with white skin colouring by offering dignified alternatives, such as our Barbie or Rugrats patterns.”
In response to the announcement from the Band-Aid company, musician Bob Geldof has asked if anybody is still interested in him getting a bunch of rock stars together to see if a concert might fix things.