CALGARY – Early reports indicate that a team or organization relating to, or originating from, the city of Winnipeg has finally won a championship above the amateur level.
Portage and Main was closed after revelers were informed that a person or group of persons just “fucking won” under the banner with the Manitoba capital’s name on it.
“Sweet, merciful fuck, we did it!” said an enthused fan presumably about his player or team winning the special award and/or gift. “This is fucking wonderful. For Christ sake, this never happens!”
Similar to the stages of grief, some citizens were going through the stages of a Winnipeg victory, first denying that their team won followed by confusion.
“No, you’re lying, I don’t fucking believe it,” said one local still refusing to accept a team from Winnipeg won 33-12 in a championship match. “We can’t win anything, especially if it’s sports related.”
According to sources, Winnipegers were still getting used to the weird sensation of not being disappointed.