WASHINGTON D.C. — Following an appearance at Game 5 of the World Series where attendees overwhelmingly chanted “lock him up”, President Trump has reportedly continued the chant unaware that the Washington Nationals fans were referring to him.
“Lock him up! Lock him up!” Trump continued to chant on the drive home as aides looked at their phones or avoided eye contact. “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be Joe Biden right now!”
White House sources indicate that the president continued all evening to speculate as to who the chant’s “him” referred to, speculating that it could also mean Hunter Biden, Adam Schiff, President Obama, Emmanuel Macron, Alec Baldwin, Seth Meyers, and Mr. Burns from The Simpsons for “stealing my style”.
Trump also mused about the target of the “Lock him up” chant being Alexandria Occasio Cortez, suggesting that “maybe she has one of those weird ‘pronounce’ dealies.”
Trump Administration staffer reportedly went to great lengths to avoid explaining to the president that the Nationals’ fans chants were indeed directed at him. Kellyanne Conway was seen diving out of a window, while Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney hid inside a coat closet. Stephen Miller was also unable to be located, though aides speculated he could be resting “inside his office coffin, as per usual.”
As Trump continued to repeatedly loudly shout “Lock him up!” at passersby and various kitchen staff, White House aides scrambled to keep the President away from the round-the-clock media coverage of his being directly heckled at Nationals Park. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep this guy from watching TV news,” explained one anxious anonymous staffer.
“We have a DVR recording of Fox & Friends on Inauguration Day that we play in emergencies like this. But that’ll only hold him for so long. All I know is, I ain’t gonna be the one to break the news to him” the staffer continued.
At press time Trump is considering attending more live events to bask in spontaneous “Lock him up” chants, including the Academy Awards, the New York City Pride Parade, and the NPR Festival of Theater, Latte Art, and Figure Skating.
