VANCOUVER – A BC court has ruled that nondisclosure of the existence of a portal to hell on a property does not entitle the purchaser to a refund of their deposit if they chose to terminate the deal.
“The home inspection report clearly indicated the presence of a stable fissure in the space-time continuum leading to another plane of reality,” Judge Julia Hammond said when making her ruling. “Once made aware of the existence of such a fissure, the onus is then on the home-buyer to determine the endpoints of all interdimensional portals before signing the closing documents.”
The BC Real Estate Association estimates that at least thirty percent of detached homes in Metro Vancouver and ten percent of condos contain portals to other worlds, but approximately half of them lead to high fantasy realms and increase the value of the property.
“Portals to hell are a niche feature, it’s true,” local realtor Arnold Lee admitted. “They’re more popular with horror movie loving millennials, but unfortunately tend to open when the wealthy make pacts with demons and are therefore mostly found in expensive homes, which millennials can’t afford. So we’re seeing a glut of very high end homes with hell portals on the market.”
The buyer in this case, Lucy Prescott, is furious with both the ruling and what she says are the deceptive circumstances that led to her purchase of the home.
“There was clearly a cover up going on during the showings to mislead buyers like me. There was no wailing, there was no screaming, there was no oppressive sense of existential dread and physical terror coupled with a pseudo-sexual thrill at the idea of living beyond the judgment of God. This was real estate fraud, plain and simple.”
The BCREA have tips on their website for home-buyers looking to avoid purchasing a property with an unwanted portal to hell, including asking if there is a portal to hell on the property.
