Mississauga, ON – In the throes of a heated argument at a birthday brunch, local man Dennis Richardson found his ignorant, ill-formed, and unpopular opinions were not being given the proper respect they deserved. So that’s when he decided to use a surprising new tactic: yelling those same opinions.
“I just thought, jeez these guys must not have heard me the first four or five times I regurgitated that conspiracy theory meme” explained Richardson. “And I would really hate for them to miss my nuanced perspective just because the soft sounds of children laughing and Diana Krall crooning were muffling my Raw Truths. So I did what any sane patriot would do, I turned off the music, told the kids to shut up, got on a chair and screamed my opinion across the living room.”
“It was… perhaps the worst birthday I’ve ever had” confessed brother-in-law, Jorge Macondo. “But at least I finally heard Dennis’ deeply prejudiced, assbackwards way of thinking, which is important for me to hear as someone who is related to him through marriage, you know?”
“It wasn’t easy, I pretty much lost my voice and am still pretty hoarse” croaked Richardson, “But if that’s what it takes for my family to comprehend my grotesque hate veiled as conservative values, so be it”.
Meanwhile, doctors are not sure when Richardson’s voice will make a full recovery, but Canada’s socialized healthcare system has equipped him with a 110 dB loudspeaker system and a a text-to-speech computer system hooked up directly to Reddit.
