ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evening against the Toronto Leafs.
NHL ref, Anthony Gallant, 39, overturned a previous call he’d made seconds earlier against Auston Matthews early in the second period, right after local man, Gerry Bantham, 28, screamed at the top of his lungs, “He barely fucking touched the guy,” a message that forced its way through the screen and into the Scotia Bank Arena, purely through the power of Bantham’s outrage.
“I remember a voice filling the rink saying, “Is that piece of shit ref blind or something?” said Gallant, adding that, at the time, he thought it might have been the voice of God distinctly calling him a dickless fuckwad. “I thought, ‘maybe I am a piece of shit.’ So I figured I should probably reverse the call, just to be safe.”
“Finally, after years of screaming, they get the message!” remarked Bantham from his living room, hundreds of kilometres away from where his voice traveled to. “I knew I could do it! After years of the TV telling me to do things, now it’s my turn!”
At press time, hockey players everywhere are now shooting the puck every time the crowd tells them to “Shoooot!”
