CALGARY—Reports have confirmed that local dickhead, Tyler Brin, has been walking around, outside, in February in a piddling little baseball cap, as though cold weather is a funny little goddamn joke.
Brin, who according to local observers must believe that icy sidewalks, graying snowbanks and daytime temperatures well below freezing are “a tiny teeny piece of cake”, has been wearing baseball caps since mid-December, long after his friends, acquaintances and neighbours had switched to winter headwear.
“Does this guy think he’s better than us?” local barista Leah Barbin asked reporters after Brin was seen exiting a local coffee shop wearing nothing on his head but a worn Blue Jays cap. “Like, we get it, you’re a big bad toughie who doesn’t need to dress warm like the rest of us mortals. Christ, I hope he gets pneumonia.”
Brin, probably could not be reached for comment because he was too busy polar swimming or some shit, has reportedly been seen wearing baseball hats for various sports teams, brands such as American Eagle and occasionally one that appeared to have been purchased at a concert or musical performance.
“I saw him waiting for a bus wearing a Rush cap in -5 degree weather and there was an H&M with hats on sale right there,” local uber driver Ina Marin told reporters. “Like sure, buddy, Rush is worth literally freezing your ears off. What the fuck happened in this guy’s childhood? Fuck this guy.”
“Honestly, I bet you that guy goes home and turns on the air conditioning just to prove a freaking point,” neighbour Leon Geril stated in an interview. “Oh let me guess, dipshit, you ‘just run hot’. Fuck you.”
Brin’s decision to not cover his head with any specially-designed insulating garment has reportedly raised the ire of total strangers.
“Honestly, I don’t know what is happening in this city, but I don’t like it,” senior citizen Thomas Werl stated after glimpsing Brin hail a cab, then get into it, while wearing “some kind of chicken shit ball cap” with an , despite there being a heavy windchill that day.
At press time, Brin looked a bit cold.
