BURLINGTON, ON — After 15-year-old Danius Jenkins was caught vaping, his parents Danielle Jenkins and Richard Mardow, made him finish the whole cartridge in the hopes that it would ruin vaping for him forever.
“Sometimes you just have just have to put your foot down,” stated Danielle Jenkins “It’s like when he wouldn’t stop playing Fortnite so we made him build a real fort and shoot at people.”
Vape manufacturers have vehemently denied that they have not done enough to curb vaping by minors, and have stated that their lines of Riverdale and Lil Yachty branded vapes are exclusively made and marketed for adults.
“Jokes on them, it was a flavoured liguid.” reported Danius while trying on various Kangle hats “So I’m not sick of vaping, I’m just sick of mango.”
Despite Danius’s hubris it was reported that after taking 30 drags from the vape under the watchful eye of his parents he began to become nauseous. As the house gradually started to fill with plumes of vaguely fruity chemicals Danius began to swear he would never vape again. After the cartridge was finally finished Danius said he was so sick of vaping he would never ghost inhale, the dragon or jellyfish again.
“I think that this sort of punishment is cruel and weird” opined local cool parent Denise Tacks “I let my children vape in the basement, better here where I know their safe then somewhere out there.”
After catching him vaping for a second time Danius’s parents forced him to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes so at least he would look cool while endangering his health.
