TORONTO – In an surprise victory Etobicoke North incumbent Michael Ford has been defeated by an SUV that just hit a cyclist.
“It’s been a tough race” stated Ford in his concession speech “but I would like to thank all those who worked on my campaign and congratulate SUV who just hit a cyclist. That reckless vehicle just resonated with the constituents of Etobicoke North more than me.”
The $45,000 Range Rover Evoque has lived in Ward 1 it’s whole life. The vehicle gets on average 24 miles to the gallon and previously worked for the Fraser Institute. It ran on a platform of reducing gridlock, eliminating bike lanes and eliminating people riding in bike lanes. Its official campaign slogan “honk honk, honk honk. Just says it all!”
Many voters in ward 1 were confused because while Michael Ford drives a SUV and has hit a cyclist, he was on a separate ticket as SUV that just hit a cyclist. Some conservatives were scared that the right wing vote would be split by the two candidates and in the weeks leading up to the election called for Michael Ford to drop out.
“I just want to feel like my values are being represented at City Hall” said Fairhaven Drive resident Kaitlin Sharks, “and I consume a dangerous amount of fossil fuels and I endanger others on the road. That’s why I voted for Land Rover that just hit a cyclist. I also want my councillor to be able to navigate mountainous terrain.”
SUV that just hit a cyclist has been appointed as head of the transit planning committee.
