VICTORIA – While audiences are marveling at the realism on display during the current production of ‘Whomdunit, A Mystery in Three Courses’ at the Waterfront Theatre and Bistro, authorities are starting to question whether the consecutive deaths that have occured during every show are coincidence or pattern.
“The first death happened when the collapsing stage knife used in the play to stab the first victim was replaced with a real knife. But, you know, it’s live theatre, that kind of thing happens a lot, actually,” Detective Lucy Sanders said in a briefing about the cases.
“But every night since then an actor had really been killed in the scene where their character dies,” Sander said. “A safety harness failed to stop an actor from being hanged. The guillotine turned out to be real. And that cobra clearly had not been properly milked.”
“We’re starting to think this might not be a series of random yet very specific accidents.”
While management at the Waterfront was initially weary of bad publicity, news of the deaths has resulted in sold out shows every night, despite several bad Yelp reviews that accused the venue of serving dangerously spoiled chicken kiev.
The theatre’s owners have put out a statement addressing the skyrocketing mortality rates, saying in part that “everyone at the Waterfront Theatre and Bistro are very hopeful the police will get to the bottom of this terrible string of deaths… sometime in the fall.”
“It’s really exciting,” ticket holder Franklin Graham said when asked about the chance he was about to witness a snuff play. “No one knows what will happen. Will a waiter drop a tray of dishes during the performance? Will an actor die horribly? Will we all get terrible diarrhea? Maybe all of the above! That’s the joy of dinner theatre.”
At press time, the director of the play was assuring the cast that this night’s performance would be completely safe and uneventful before taking one of the actors who plays a victim of poisoning aside and giving him a “relaxation pill” that smells of bitter almonds.
