OTTAWA – In addition to new levies on American goods, Justin Trudeau has reacted to US President Trump’s escalating trade war by calling in Canada’s most skilled players of Settlers of Catan.
“These are people whose idea of fun is to screw over their closest friends for the sake of imaginary commodities,” said Trudeau. “And people who play Catan are our best hope of winning a trade war against them.”
According to reports from the government’s trade war bunker in Todd’s mother’s basement, Todd, Li, and Ahmed are Canada’s Year of Plenty Development Card in the hole.
“Sure, America has the largest army,” said Li, wiping cheeto dust on his corduroys, before trading softwood lumber for GMO wheat at Vancouver’s 3:1 port. ”But let’s not forget who has the longest road.”
At press time, a desperate Trudeau was spotted asking a seven-year-old he saw playing with matchbox cars if she knew anything about brokering automobile tariffs.
