TORONTO – PC leader Doug Ford has continued to stand up for the little guy by having literally no plan for the province’s future.
“Folks, those elites want to know if I’m going to slash healthcare and education, or impose tariffs, or put thousands of taxpaying public servants out of work,” said Ford to an excited crowd. “Well guess what, folks? I’d love to know the answer to that as well!”
Ford then began handing out twenty dollar bills amid loud applause.
While some have suggested that politicians only deserve to get elected if they say what they’re going to do, Ford fans have levelled the counterargument that, nah.
“Look, Doug Ford says he’s going to cut spending by six billion dollars, and I like that number,” said one supporter. “Sure, we don’t know how he plans to do that, but once we have the six billion, we can hire some researchers to figure out how he did it.”
“Kathleen Wynne had ideas, and where did that get us? The 18th largest economy in the world. Checkmate.”
Ford’s campaign team has insisted that their refusal to discuss details is part of a focus on ‘the big picture’: a picture they have also refused to describe.
“Our main priority is getting this province back on track,” said Ford about Ontario, a province with a booming economy, ranked near the top of every international quality-of-life index. “And if there’s one surefire way to get things back on track, it’s to make a bunch of high-stakes decisions without having thought things through.”
At press time, a recent study found that this was, somehow, the worst time that a Ford has run for public office.
