TORONTO, ON – This week, local white man Chris Smith released a list of “legit” ethnic restaurants, leaving many Caucasian men scrambling to make dinner plans with their squash partners.
Smith has been building the list since 2012 through uncomfortably probing conversations with cab drivers, attending Chinese New Year festivals, and simply following people around the city that appear Spanish.
“Am I a hero? Of course not,” said Chris over a plate of genuine fish tacos at a hella authentic Mexican restaurant. “I just badger ethnic people about their favourite spots, then thank them by going there and dining near the front window.”
The list includes an Eritrean cafe Smith describes as “canonical African food,” an Indian diner ranked “5 out of 5 Vishnus,” and a Korean barbecue restaurant with the additional comment, “Confirmed they make their own kimchi by barging into the kitchen. Also learned the Korean word for “health violation.”
Smith also warned that his list is full of surprises. “The top ramen restaurant is in the basement of a train station, can you believe it?” said Smith. “Yet every time I bring my improv team they all agree it’s the real deal. The owners won’t even make eye contact, so you know it’s top shelf.”
“This list is a great resource,” said another white male, also named Chris Smith. “I bet there are some righteous Pho spots on that list… and yeah, you heard right, it’s pronounced ‘fuh,’ not ‘foe.’ That’s something I learned by talking to a guy from the place where Pho comes from.’
Local restaurant owner Hiro Tanaka was confused to find his establishment included on the list under “official Japanese snacks.” “I don’t know what he means by ‘legit,’” said Tanaka. “I’m a third generation Canadian. We serve curly fries for God’s sake.”
Smith is proud of the valuable gift he has provided to his fellow Caucasians. “This was hard-won information,” said Smith. “Most people don’t want a bunch of loudmouth white people ruining their dining experience, which I totally get. I hate that too.”
