PALO ALTO, CA – As part of their continuing mission to create a green energy revolution, Tesla’s new line of electric transport trucks are said to be able to transport a full freight tank of crude oil to refineries up to 800 kilometres away on a single charge.
“We’re excited to see the first models roll out the Tesla Semi this year,” said Tesla Marketing Vice President Miles Halloran noting that the eco-friendly vehicles will make it easier than ever to carry vast amounts of petroleum products without carbon emissions. “It’s our hope that, one day, every oil trailer in the nation will be hitched to one of our environmentally sustainable trucks.”
Sources say the truck’s large batteries can be easily charged using coal fired electric plants. Still in the works, however, is a driverless version of the vehicle, which Tesla engineers boast will be able to continue hauling vast amounts of fossil fuels well after humanity dies off in a climatic and ecological disaster.
With orders flooding in from major clients like Wal-Mart and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, logistics insiders speculate that Tesla’s new heavy load vehicle will not only be able to move crude oil, but also bitumen, refined gasoline, lubricants, a boundless array of plastic consumer products, and of course, potable water for use in hydraulic fracturing shale gas extraction.
At press time, Tesla CEO Elon Musk was busy at a SpaceX meeting discussing how to get off Earth before it becomes completely uninhabitable.
