CALGARY – Demonstrating he’s a complete embarrassment to himself, a stupid, dumb idiot reportedly signed off on a work email on Tuesday morning with the tagline “Have a great weekend!” despite the weekend being nearly a full work week away.
Alex Fischer, a 27-year-old Accounts Manager, who sources say should probably crawl into a hole and die, added the imbecilic salutation to a routine email sent to half a dozen colleagues. The thick-headed moron realized his mistake seconds after he hit send, involuntarily slapping his own inept forehead in response like an ignorant dork.
After attempts to compose a correction failed to improve the situation, Fischer, the schmuck, was left with no recourse but to sit in his office like the meatheaded jerkwad he is and pray for a blackout, nuclear war, or asteroid strike.
“I didn’t even notice,” said email recipient Emily Heidl when asked about the message, obviously concealing her recently formed opinion that Fischer must be a halfwit clodpate nimrod lacking even the mental capacity to track the current date and its proximity to Saturday.
“It’s not a big deal,” she said, clearly lying through her teeth.
Fischer, who seriously must be thick or dropped on his head as a baby, says he regrets the attempt at cheerful familiarity and every other decision he has made since leaving the warm, viscid protection of the womb. Reached for comment in his office, Fischer said, “nnnnnnnnnnnnnnff” while slumping in his chair and staring at the ceiling he hopes will collapse on him.
The incident comes as a heavy blow to Fischer, who had only just recovered from using “Good morning!” at the beginning of a 2:00 PM conference call last week with a nearby client.