OTTAWA – After analyzing the most recent Census data, Statistics Canada confirms that families with children under twelve years old aren’t in the mood to hear any of it, so just apologize to your sister, or no Playstation for a week.
“We can now state conclusively that Canadian parents are no longer falling behind in how high they have had it up too,” remarked Chief Statistician, Anil Arora. “And at this rate 50 percent of Canadians may have dependants which have been told for the last time”.
These new data points are a direct result of the reinstatement of the long-form census and has allowed analysts to make profound discoveries about the Nation’s shifting demographics like regional rates of ‘I’m only going to count to 3’ versus overall timeout time.
“All this information is indispensable and allows us to determine with a 0.01 % accuracy if you don’t sit down I’m turning this car around, buster.”
With the next Census scheduled for 2021, Stats Canada is planning to expand the questionnaire to include, ‘will you keep it down for Christ’s sakes?’ ‘can’t you see I’m busy?’ and ‘if you didn’t break the stereo, then who did?’
Even though these new statistics illustrate how much Canadian families are changing, one data point remains constant, that 100% of parents over all ethnic groups continue to demand to know if your friends jumped off a bridge would you?
