KINGSTON, ON – Reports from yesterday evening have found that 26-year-old Tommy Freen has come across unprecedented courting success by switching out pictures of his penis that no one asked for in favour of sending unsolicited dog pics.
“It’s amazing, I was going to send this girl I’ve been texting a picture of my dick, but I accidentally sent a picture of my dog,” explained Freen. “Now she wants to come over and meet him.”
“Now I’m only sending girls random pictures of dogs. The enthusiastic replies come flooding in within minutes. I think I found a sexting cheat code?”
A brief investigation found that switching from unsolicited dick pictures over to unsolicited dog pictures results in a 900% increase in responses as well as a 100% decrease in blocked numbers and restraining orders.
“Honestly, it was just really refreshing to receive a picture of something that wasn’t a dick,” said Rachel Matisaw, 23, explaining the reasoning behind her excited responses to Freen’s canine photographs. “He could have sent me a picture of a fuzzy cactus and I would have been just as enthusiastically relieved. I feel like we need to reward this behaviour. So I decided to go on a few dates with him. ”
Freen, who sources say, spent his whole adult life wondering why no one ever responded to his texts, says this revelation has changed everything.
“Just last week I sent a girl a picture of a miniature schnauzer wearing a hat and now I think we’re engaged,” stated Tommy. “Who could have guessed that my dick had been the problem all along?”
