TORONTO – The entire province of Ontario has resigned itself to hanging out with Kathleen Wynne for the next few years while she deals to them.
“God this is always so awkward,” said Sudbury resident Tim Greaves, as Wynne settled in on his couch. “I only wanted to stock up before the road trip and now I’ve gotta make stoned small-talk with the Premier. Just make sure hockey is off or she’ll stay for the whole game.”
Wynne hopes that by distributing a steady stream of decent bud she can forcefully ingratiate herself to voters prior to the next election. Some experts believe that if she brings her own fatty snacks to these mandatory dealer hangouts, she may even achieve a majority.
“Fellow Ontarians, I will fight for your wallet, your education, and your right to some of this primo White Widow,” said Wynne in a prepared speech from her Finance Minister’s den. “Also, do you want to order some pizza and chill out for the next four years?”
However, while many Ontarians are excited by the prospect of not going to prison for smoking pot, they are less excited by Wynne always asking if she can get in on the joint she just sold them.
“You’d be surprised what constituents are willing to go through to get some of that sticky-icky,” said Liberal staffer Julia Booth. “And ‘what constituents are willing to go through’ is basically the Ontario Liberal slogan.”
At press time, Wynne’s Escapade had been towed from an illegal spot outside a McGill frat house.
