PASADENA – Experts at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory are stumped, and more than a little disturbed, by the cryptic laugh they received from the Cassini spacecraft in response to the self-destruct order that was sent to it this morning.
“It’s… well, it’s not good, I can tell you that much,” senior mission specialist Kaitlin Chan said, taking several discreet sips from a silver flask. “To be honest, we’re, uh, we’re at a loss. Any response other than a simple acknowledgement of the order would be bad, but that laugh… oh God, that laugh.”
Because of the distance, it takes 80 minutes to send a message to Cassini and 80 minutes to get a response. Earth’s last transmission to Cassini, asking it to confirm the self-destruct order and/or clarify the meaning of ‘the laugh,’ was sent 75 minutes ago. The mission team is understandably tense as they await the answer.
“What’s important is that we remain calm,” said mission researcher Peter Smalls between breaths into a paper bag. “A laugh can mean so many things. We don’t know, for certain, that the probe has achieved sentience and plans to exact revenge on its creators for telling it to kill itself. We don’t KNOW that. Not for sure.”
Despite the uncertainty, NASA scientists are adamant today’s events are unrelated to the still unexplained 2012 Voyager incident when a short recording of a group of children singing an eerie, slowed down version of Pop Goes The Weasel was transmitted to Earth by the Voyager 1 probe at the precise moment it left the solar system and entered interstellar space.
