BRANDON, MB – An online argument about the existence of the gender wage gap reportedly has one of the participants, avid twitter user Adam Campbell, working his absolute ass off to incorporate one, if not all, of the three memes currently saved on his phone, despite the fact that at press time none of them are even tangentially connected to the conversation.
The three memes Campbell has on hand – the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man In The World” saying “I don’t always protest but when I do George Soros pays me to”, an image of Hillary Clinton’s head on a baby’s body with the text “MUH SAFE SPACE”, and Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka condescendingly chiding the developers of a popular video game for pandering to the liberal agenda – are all still in consideration, according to sources close to him. The conversation up to this point, however, has remained frustratingly unrelated to any of the people or subjects that the three memes so deftly mock.
“At first glance the obvious choice is the protest one, right? And I’ve been trying to subtly steer the conversation towards protests since this morning, ‘I bet you like protests too’, that sort of thing,” explained an exhausted-looking Campbell as he continued to utterly work his complete ass off of his body to justify the memes, “So far they haven’t taken the bait, though. And the safe space one… I mean, I guess I could respond to basically anything with ‘I guess you need a safe space’ and then that meme, but I mean… that’s the knockout punch. That’s the secret weapon, you can’t LEAD with it. Can you?”
“But then maybe it’s best to just blindside them with the Willy Wonka video game thing? It has ‘SJW’ in it, and I AM talking to a huge SJW. Plus I really doubt they know much about video games, which could really shift the goalposts in my favour. I don’t know. Jesus Christ, I don’t know.”
While many of Campbell’s friends and family have suggested that he simply look for a meme more pertinent to the current discussion, save that onto his phone, and then post it in the conversation, the avid twitter user insists that finding somebody else’s meme to do the fighting for him would detract from the intellectual and moral victory of using somebody else’s meme that he already had saved before the argument began.
“One thing’s for sure,” Campbell concluded, with grim determination, “Once I use one of these memes, no matter which one it is, I’m following it up with the other two. Immediately. No matter what.”
The subject of Campbell’s online ire, former President of the United States Barack Obama, could not be reached for comment.
