OTTAWA – Continuing to follow the game plan laid out for her by President Donald Trump’s successful campaign, Kellie Leitch has gone out of her way to brag about sexually assaulting a number of women.
“She was walking with ET Canada’s Rick Campanelli for some reason and then she just yelled out ‘I smacked her right in the tits,’” said witness Erica Gottfried.
“She didn’t even look happy about it. It seemed like something she felt she had to do.”
After Leitch made her shocking exclamation the room reportedly fell silent for several minutes before Leitch repeated herself and then asked Rick to make sure the mic was on.
However Leitch has completely denied this version of events.
“Just like with Mr. Trump there is absolutely no proof that I have ever assaulted anyone. And, just like Mr. Trump, any reporting on this issue will likely only help my standing with MRAs, the alt-right and women who hate other women.”
Leitch also advised reporters that she would soon be coming out with her own line of premium meat products called Leitch Steaks.
