WASHINGTON – Russian influence over the White House is once again being called into question, after high-ranking members of staff were seen sporting new tracksuits.
In response to the accusations, Press Secretary Sean Spicer issued a statement, saying: “There is absolutely no reason to suspect Russian influence in this administration. We just like to be comfortable at work, and these tracksuits provide excellent range of motion, ventilation, and a sleek look even Putin would approve of. Not that he does.”
The tracksuits range from blue to black, and occasionally white, with horizontal red and blue stripes.
“They’re attractive and functional,” says staffer James Smith, wiping a trace of Siberian blow from his upper lip. “I can jog from a day at the Oval office, straight to a secret Russian Embassy party and not even need to change.”
Presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway has also defended the fashion statement.
“The American people don’t care about this story, because the American people know it’s ridiculous,” she said, not minding that she had spilled some Ural Sturgeon caviar onto her tracksuit, since velour fabric can easily be washed on a cold, gentle cycle. “I mean, the real question here is why none of you are asking where Hillary Clinton bought her cl—oh my Kremlin this is good caviar…”
At press time, Kellie Leitch had shown up to a town hall wearing a tracksuit that still had the price tag attached.
