REGINA – With all other provincial governments having agreed to adopt carbon pricing by 2018 in line with the Trudeau government’s climate strategy, Premier Brad Wall spent this morning planning on how to combat the proposed tax and whispering dark secrets to a pile of coal.
“It seems that it’s just you and me, my old friend,” said a soot-covered Wall. “[Manitoba Premier] Pallister and [Nova Scotia Premier] McNeil are weak-willed fools, charmed by this false prophet’s sweet words of ‘revenue neutral.’”
Wall currently stands alone in his plans to take legal action against the federal government, whose plan he claims will syphon billions from Saskatchewan’s residents and it’s “precious, precious, oh-so-beautiful” coal.
“We’ve been looking at legal options and we believe there may be a strong case here,” said Attorney General Gordon Wyant, stepping into the dark room to report his work to Wall. “If I may ask sir… what does the coal say?”
“Never you mind what the coal says,” snapped Wall back. “When you have studied the ways for as long as I have, and formed three consecutive governments, then you may hear the onyx princess speak.”
Wall sharply criticized the federal Liberals in November as well, after announcements that Canada would phase out coal-fired electricity by 2030. Wall argued that this was an energy source Saskatchewan heavily relied upon, and also that converting would grant strength to the Coal King’s mortal foes.
“I know what Trudeau is doing, I know his game,” said Wall, whose doctor reports is slowly developing black lung. “He says that wants to use renewable energy and fight climate change, but he’s probably in some dark secret room in Ottawa consorting with a wind turbine. The boy reeks of hydroelectricity and the sun.”
According to sources, Wall was still gently caressing the coal saying he would rather spend $1.5 billion and double electricity rates on carbon capture projects than abandon his combustible companion.
