WINNIPEG – Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Dave is trying to grow a moustache again.
Although initial reports were mixed upon further inspection of photographic evidence, experts agree it is in fact a sparse collection of hair on Dave’s upper lip.
“At first I thought he just hadn’t washed his face after eating chocolate ice cream but then I realized he was trying to grow a moustache again,” said Dave’s roommate Jacob. “Honestly anything is better than the mutton chop/ soul patch combo he sometimes rocks.”
In past years, Dave has made 3 previous documented moustache attempts. First was in 2001 when Dave and his then girlfriend Sarah dressed up as Stalin and Trotsky for Halloween. Second was inspired by seeing his ex-girlfriend Sarah having coffee with someone with a moustache. Third was last year when Dave participated in Movember in a poorly thought out attempt to get Sarah’s attention.
“We actually had to ask Dave to stop participating in Movember because he was reducing awareness of prostate cancer,” said Dave’s co worker Andy. “But since this attempt isn’t linked to an altruistic cause, I couldn’t be happier for Dave”
“A common misconception is that your facial hair will get thicker as you get older.” Said dermatologist Dr Jen Chiwetu “While this might be true in some cases Dave has what is known in the business as a pubestache. It is my medical opinion that he looks like a child in a pedophile costume.”
At press time Sarah was unable to be reached for comment.
