PALO ALTO – A study of Google Play and the App Store indicates that Uberpool has surpassed Tinder, Grindr, and Pokemon Go as the top app to meet local psychopaths.
“Uberpool is just so much more efficient,” said user Gary Darnsen. “Instead of having to direct message creeps who lack empathy or any sense of social norms one by one, I’m automatically trapped with a random group of them in a confined space for an extended period of time. Also instead of meeting at a bar or cafe, they just see where I live when I get dropped off”
Many users said they switched to Uberpool because they enjoyed the the range of psychopaths you can meet. “Because of my orientation, I was only meeting hetrosexual male psychopaths on Tinder,” said Nancy Bigergen, 27. “But now with Uberpool I get to meet all different types of psychopaths: young, old, men, women, even bankers,” added Bigergen before changing her name and moving to another town.
In an official statement, Tinder responded: “Our unique app focuses on quality, rather than quantity, of connections. We at Tinder are constantly refining our algorithms so we can match you with your special physcho – ideally one only a 5 minute walk from your home.”
“I’m not surprised that we overtook Tinder,” boasted Uber CEO Travis Kalanick. “From digging up dirt on journalists to gaslighting victims who are assaulted by Uber drivers, we have a top-down culture of anti-social behaviour.” Kalanick also pointed out that new self-driving cars, which lack of emotion or a soul, also made them the perfect fit for Uber.
At press time Twitter remains the top place to meet sadists both local and abroad.
