CANADA – New polls suggest that 68% of Canadians want minorities to assimilate to Canadian culture while simultaneously having no idea what that really means.
“Canada is a cultural mosaic,” said George Perron, from the National Polling Institute. “But what I think this poll suggests is that caucasian Canadians would like minorities to blend in more with the mosaic, as if it existed inside a much larger melting pot.”
When asked exactly what it means to ‘assimilate with Canadian culture’ Perron said, ”Being Canadian is about being North American, without being, you know, American. Unlike the United States we’re bilingual, or at least a few of us are. We’re definitely multicultural and we take pride in that, well, some of us do.”
“But we’re not as bad the States, they’re much worse.”
Perron went on to suggest that Canadian culture may or may not also include “Tim Hortons, some hockey teams, and making fun of Toronto.”
Canadians nationwide have continued to voice that they are pro-diversity, while at the same time emotionally bracing themselves for awkward encounters and passive aggressive politeness with people they don’t quite wish to understand.
Meanwhile minority Canadians have been notably polite about the offensive poll results, officially learning how to fit in.
