OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nicole Eaton claimed Thursday that she was unaware of her appointment to the Senate some seven years ago, in addition to claiming that she was did not know she was a director of an offshore corporation in the Bahamas some twelve years ago.
“This is a simple misunderstanding, one that I’m sure happens to many Canadians,” explained Eaton told the press while attending a fundraiser gala for slightly less wealthy children. “I don’t recall ever being told I was an Officer of Parliament. I know this Harper fellow vaguely, and I thought I was signing up for one of those European cruises on Parliament Hill. I really leave that appointment business to my accountants and lawyers.”
Eaton claims that it was her close friend from her fine-art collecting club, simply known as ‘Muffy’, who submitted her name to the Prime Minister’s Officer for a position in the Upper Chamber.
“Somehow she placed my name on these Senate documents at the ceremony and took the oath for me. I had absolutely no idea what the devil she was signing me up for. I thought she was adding another Van Gogh for my collection.”
The Harper-appointed Senator, most famous for demanding the audit of environmental charities, calling Canada’s national symbol a “dentally defective rat”, and attempting to frame Roger Rabbit, promptly reported to Senate Ethics Commissioner Mary Dawson that she was oblivious to the fact that the debates and committees she attended over the last seven years had anything to do with the Senate.
“I thought I was at the bridge club, it was so dull there. Fortunately, we only had to sit for half the year.”
Eaton says that she will wait for more information from the Offshore Leaks Database to discover if she is director of another offshore company, or was appointed a Senator position in another country.
