OTTAWA — According to sources within the Independent Advisory Board for Senate Appointments, a majority of candidates applying for Senate positions are only interested in the position for the premium dental plan and immunity from criminal punishment benefits.
20 successful candidates will receive full coverage for cavities, root canals, and criminal court proceedings for any questionable housing expense claims they made.
Roughly one-third of Canadians do not have dental benefits and more than 99.9% do not have access to complete immunity in the event they are accused, charged, or even found guilty for a criminal act.
“I might finally get this dental crown I couldn’t afford,” said Terri Faro of Dartmouth, Nova Scotia who was making a quick change on her cover letter from ‘administrative assistant’ to ‘Senator’. “And while I’m not into cocaine, assault, or bribery, this type of unconditional job security may be helpful one day.”
While Faro says the high salary, staff, and fake domiciles for each of her dependents would be nice, she’s worried that she might not be the right fit for the job.
“Sitting in an irrelevant institution six months a year until I’m 75 sounds very boring. After all, I want a career that Canadians admire.”
