DRUMHELLER, AB – Some one hundred and forty five million years after the case was abandoned by authorities, maverick paleontologist Dr. Matthew Parch has found new fossil evidence in a Jurassic homicide case.
“Something about the case didn’t add up. Sure, Ceratosaurus was no angel,” said Parch, chomping on a thick cigar in his dimly lit office. “But would it kill a Europasaurus without eating it afterward? Not likely. So, I did a little digging, first in the dirt, then on the streets.”
Sources indicates that Parch consulted trace fossil evidence and local snitch Mikey “Cans” Lasano for further information.
“Maybe I did talk to the prof, maybe I didn’t,” Lasano said, looking around suspiciously. “Maybe I said something about a theory I had about Europasaurus young being surprisingly aggressive, but I ain’t saying to who!”
“Cans was right,” Parch said, shooting a double rye. “The coprolites show a second Europasaurus at the scene. This whole thing was a snow job.”
Parch then covered his face with his hands, before telling himself to ‘forget it Matt, it’s the Mesozoic.’
Since the new evidence came to light, the fossils of Ceratosaurus have been released from custody at the Royal Tyrrell Museum.
With the case closed, Parch has started investigating what he describes as a “so-called ‘mass extinction event.’”
