WHISTLER, BC – an innocent chance to socialize while ironically wearing clothing designed to celebrate the holiday season took on a more sexual tone this weekend, when all the party goers decided to straight up fuck each other.
“We were all just hanging out and laughing about how hilarious and ugly everyone’s sweaters were,” said Christophe Demairs, “and then someone made a joke about how the only thing funnier would be to try to hook up with someone while wearing one, and everything kind of snowballed.”
“Our biggest mistake was keeping the sweaters on” he added.
What followed was a mash of cartoon Santa’s on adorable reindeer, snowmen rubbing up against elves as their wearers blew each other, and Mrs. Claus straight giving it to a bunch of adorable children.
“It was really funny at first, but when you’re getting tag teamed by two guys, the irony of their holiday apparel does kind of fade away after a while,” admitted Stephanie St. Claire.
At press time most of the party goers had contracted gonorrhea, which they all agreed was lesser known and cooler than mainstream STDs like herpes.
