OSHAWA, ON – To commemorate the new bus stop being built on Rossland Road, Mayor John Henry unzipped his fly, and took the ceremonial first urination on the back wall of the stop.
“I hope this station will see much use by the citizens of Oshawa, as both a place to wait for public transport, and to relieve themselves when no one’s looking,” a clearly drunk Henry said in his speech.
The new bus stop has been received positively by the public. “They really picked a good spot for this bus stop.” said lifelong Oshawa resident Megan Ericson. “Now I don’t have to walk all the way to Thickson road to catch the bus and melt some snow.”
However, not everyone was impressed by the ceremony. Joe Arling, a local homeless man with a long history of public urination, spoke out against Mayor Henry. “Did you see the Mayor, taking that piss with both hands?” Arling said in a recent interview. “If you can’t do it right, get someone else to help you.”
The ceremony is part of Oshawa city hall’s Urban Filth Initiative. The next steps of the initiative include using thousands of taxpayer dollars to coat playgrounds with used condoms and build a public restroom with feces already smeared on the wall.
At press time, commuters waiting for the inaugural bus to arrive were trying to avoid making eye contact with the still peeing Mayor Henry.
