RIO DE JANEIRO – With a narrowly scored last-minute goal, the German World Cup team’s efficient and relentless play has triumphed over Argentina’s style, which was probably hot or spicy or something.
BBC announcer Clive Tyldesley was quick to link Argentina’s play to the one reference he knew off the top of his head. “Not unlike the heroine of Evita, the Argentinian team won our hearts early on with its pluck and courage, only to bring us to tears at the final tragic but dignified note.”
“Yeah. That works,” he added.
While the Germans made tight, short passes and took calculated risks, the Argentinian players moved gracefully like a Tango, which observers assume might very well be the national dance of Argentina. World Cup fans were far more unanimous in their assessment of Germany’s victory as “efficient”, though further stereotypes proved far more elusive.
Some other World Cup announcers also attempted to liken Argentina’s style of play to Che Guevara, who Wikipedia reveals was initially an Argentine citizen. CBC’s John Helm described Argentina as, “like guerilla fighters, who are principled and… have heart… I don’t know you guys, it’s too hot for this.”
At press time, German players were probably celebrating by eating schnitzel and listening to Kraftwerk.
