TORONTO – Football (or soccer) fans in the nation’s largest city are busy preparing their car horns ahead of the World Cup this year in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, so they can honk them ceaselessly and without fail if the country they’re cheering for wins a game, scores a goal, or does a kind of neat bit of dribbling for a moment.
And because Toronto is also the nation’s most culturally diverse city in Canada, literally every team that wins a game will have fans who call the city home, ensuring practically no where will be left untouched by the non-consensual mobile nationalistic car horn cacophony, often referred to as celebrating.
“I can’t wait for Portugal to win, man. I’m going to hop in my car, tie my flag around my neck like a cape and ride with the top down,” said Sean Kokovidis, 21, who has never been to Portugal.
“And then I’m just going to go BLAAA- BLAAA-BLAAAAAAA! And everyone’s gonna know that Portugal won… It’s going to be sick.”
Kokovidis was particularly excited for this year’s tournament due to a new horn he had installed just for the occasion.
“My last one was like, ‘beeeeeeeee!’ but this one is like ‘BLAAAAAAA!’, know what I’m saying?” he said, before giving a demonstration in the driveway which confirmed what he said to be more-or-less true.
Since Brazil is hosting this year, expect extra prideful honks from their supporters.
“We are so lucky to live in this city,” said 42 year old Felipe Rios, who immigrated from Brazil when he was 3. “Most people back in Rio don’t have the luxury to drive around making as much noise as possible and to completely disregard the general expectation of peace and quiet we take for granted here in Canada.”
At presstime, the majority of Torontonians were rooting for Belgium or Japan, teams whose fans were felt to be the most likely to be quiet in victory.
