Toronto mayoral candidate Olivia Chow has shaken up the race today by unveiling her official transit plan: a 5.2 million–seater tandem bike designed to accommodate every man, woman, and child in the city.
“Olivia believes we can only succeed as a city by working together; that the only way to make true progress is by pushing forward, side by side, one step at a time,” said a top Chow aide, introducing the candidate at the plan’s official launch. “The difference between this campaign and others is that we do not believe this is in any way a metaphor.”
Its size based on the most up-to-date estimates of the city’s population, the bicycle is expected to ease gridlock through a simple plan of having each Torontonian travel together on the same 18-speed Raleigh. Full cooperation is desired, though the bike can be efficiently pedaled as long as it is 51% full. “If there’s one thing of which I’m fairly confident,” Chow said at the plan’s official launch, “it’s every single citizen of Toronto agreeing to head in the exact same direction.”
Though the bike will not make official stops like other modes of transit, Chow assured citizens that the easily accessible slide in the middle will do a wonderful job of jettisoning them out onto the street.
The proposed overnight storage location of the bike has not been finalized, but early possibilities being circulated include Downsview Park, the Canada’s Wonderland Splash Works section, or, says Chow, “that other big public space in the city that nobody likes or uses anymore—you know the one.”
Chow also did her best to appeal to current supporters of various alternative transit proposals, by including in the plan provisions for the bike to go underground in Scarborough, down the middle of the street on St. Clair West, and to stop for no reason for 5 to 10 minutes any time it is near Christie Station.
There are expected to be a plethora of ballot items offered to voters regarding colour preference, seat height, and whether or not the vehicle will have that between-the-legs bar thing. After all details are sorted, the construction of the bike (and accompanying nine ton U-lock) is expected to create hundreds of jobs, with an estimated completion date of 2026.
