TORONTO – In the midst of a 5 game losing streak that has seen them fall from 4th place in the East to nearly out of the playoff picture, the Toronto Maple Leafs have reassured fans that they are on the right track to avoid a repeat of last year’s brutal playoff loss to the Bruins, by failing to make the playoffs altogether.
“Look, there was no way we weren’t going to just completely melt down at some point,” said Captain Dion Phaneuf. “At least this way, our fans don’t have to go to the expense of buying playoff tickets.”
Leading scorer Phil Kessel pointed out that the shame of last year’s loss, in which the team lead by 3 goals with 10 minutes remaining in Game 7, only to lose in overtime, had weighed heavily on the players. “It really inspired us to go out there, and make sure that could never happen again. And the only way to mathematically guarantee there would be no playoff loss was to not compete in the playoffs at all.”
Free agent signing David Clarkson, who agreed to a 7 year contract that will pay him over 5 million dollars a year, said he was specifically brought in to add toughness, tenacity and collapse-ability to the team. He then tripped and fell as he walked back to his locker.
At press time, remember Wendel Clark? That dude was awesome right? Maybe think about him for a while.
