TORONTO – Overwhelming customer complaints regarding long delays and
crumbling infrastructure have prompted the TTC to suggest to its
unhappy customer base “to grow up” and “buy a fucking car already.”
“I don’t know where people got the idea that we were supposed to offer
a palace on wheels,” said TTC spokesperson Illana Rieers. “Perhaps if more of you would quit being cheap assholes and buy a car like a fucking adult, then the subway would run perfectly fine. We suggest saving up some of your drug money and signing a flexible lease agreement, then maybe you wouldn’t have to be a low life piece of garbage that has to take the streetcar.”
At press time, stranded citizens waiting in the freezing rain for a delayed bus
were being told to show some self-respect and take a goddamn taxi.
