OTTAWA – From atop his gilded throne, ensconced in the the resplendent halls of Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Harper today sought his third prorogation since assuming office, before nonchalantly commanding Canada’s Governor General to “caper about for (his) amusement.”
Sources report that Canada’s prime minister made the request this morning, gesturing with a subtle wave of his bejewelled fingers, before returning his attentions to the foolish prancing of his appointed Governor General, David Johnston. The same sources report that, while calling for said prorogation, Harper simultaneously gnawed on a succulent shank of lamb.
Though accounts from the PMO are generally tightly controlled, one anecdote has been leaked and corroborated. Following Harper’s edict, and amidst the general hubbub of staffers agreeing with and commending their master, a young aide reportedly offered this counterpoint to his bemused sovereign: “But aren’t you concerned about the public outcry following yet another prorogue, or at least the optics considering the Senate expense scandal, m’Lord?”
What followed was a lengthy silence, described by stunned eyewitnesses as both “hushed” and “bone-chilling”. It was at this time that Prime Minister Harper allegedly lifted his head, chuckled softly, and responded, “Why, your impudence reminds me of myself in times long past, when I was possessed of such fires,” before ordering the aide beheaded and his head set on a pike outside 24 Sussex as a warning to others.
As of press time the PMO has offered little rationale for their desired prorogation, though Harper has reportedly commanded his staff to, “spread yet another round of Economic Action Plan ads across the land, as a token of favour to mine humble subjects.” Harper then refocused his attentions on the Governor General’s dancing, before ordering Johnston to compose a sonnet in his honour.
