SASKATOON, SK – Beaming new father Jack LaSalle was delighted to announce the birth of his son to the world, and said he was “really looking forward to seeing him spend most, if not all, of his life living in my shadow.”
Connor James LaSalle was born at 2:15 a.m. this morning and will now be indefinitely living in his father’s personal and professional legacy. He is expected to do well in life, but never achieve the same level of success established by his father.
“Seven pounds, eight ounces,” Jack told the anxious relatives in the waiting room. “That’s pretty good, but of course I came in just a bit bigger at nine pounds and an ounce, remember?”
Jack, a 30-year-old city councillor in nearby Martensville and a small consultancy business owner, went on to say he had nothing but the second best expectations for his son. “I can’t wait until I enroll him in hockey,” he explained with a beaming smile while holding his boy. “I’ll get to watch him and constantly be reminded how much better I was when I was that age. All the parents will say ‘wow, look at how good that kid is! He must be Jack’s son.’”
“He’ll probably go to the same schools as I did and do quite well,” Jack boasted to his family. “One day, he might take over the family business, and shoulder the crushing weight of upholding my legacy.”
Jack also exerted his political ambitions onto his son. “He’ll make a great MP or even a cabinet minister after I’m done being Prime Minister,” Jack asserted. “I’m like Pierre and he’ll be my Justin.” Jack went on to describe in detail how the statues dedicated to him will be slightly larger than Connor’s.
At press time, Connor was learning to breastfeed, while Jack insisted on showing everyone how much faster he was able to drink than Connor.
