OTTAWA – Following his party’s win at the polls last week, Conservative leader Stephen Harper spoke in a televised address to assure Canadians he is ready to form a government stronger in its resolve to prevent positive change.
The Prime Minister opened his address with a new message on which to base his cabinet, his decisions, and the future of Canada: “Yes we can’t.”
He gave an uncharacteristically powerful speech on the virtues of keeping your head down and not getting your hopes up.
Harper’s iconic Nope poster
“I have always felt that this is a country willing to accept the status quo,” Harper said. “From our British roots, we have always been a people that stick to the reasonably attainable goal of breaking from established precedent without making much change in the end. I am here to tell you that today is no different.”
“Yes we can’t,” he continued. “When you voted conservative on May 2nd, you voted against false hope.”
In his speech, Harper promised to do everything he could to reintroduce the exact same budget previously rejected by the opposition parties and which led to the recent election. He also plans to inject a provision to deny public funding to political parties so as to minimize future challenges to the Conservative party’s ability to prevent change, despite the fact that he received less than 40% of the popular vote.
“Yes we can’t have another conservative minority,” he continued, “which theoretically offers a more democratic government, kept in check by the various opposition parties representing a larger share of the Canadian voting segment.”
“Nope,” he added. “We can’t have that.”
When asked about the Green Party winning a seat in parliament, and whether or not it would influence him to make a permanent commitment to the environment, Harper responded:
“What has the environment ever done for us?”
Touching on issues such as military, Harper said it would be unwise to shift gears and reduce spending.
“Fighter jets are important,” he said. “We have the Arctic to worry about. Not to mention we need to be there for the Americans whenever they decide to mix things up. That’s what our military is all about.”
According to Conservative Party insiders, the new campaign adheres closely to Harper’s previously published book, The Audacity of Nope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the Country.
Many Canadians who voted for Harper reacted well to his speech because they feel “change is bad.”
Bookjacket for Harper’s book: The Audacity of Nope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the Country
One resident expressed her transformation from Liberal to Conservative after Harper’s powerful speech. “I won’t lie,” she said, “I voted for Ignatieff. But after seeing Harper’s speech, I think I’ve changed my mind. I used to be concerned about things like expanding our civil liberties, but Mr. Harper has made me realize these things are hard work, and that we’re better off looking at re-examining the REAL issues: gay marriage and abortion.”
During the 20 minute speech, Harper also listed the challenges ahead for the country. The Prime Minister commented on Canada’s uncertain economy and cautioned that “a sea of troubles is lapping at our shores.”
”Canadians are leading in obesity, poor education, and a slowly dying health care system. The Russians are stronger, the Chinese are smarter, and our economy is based on a fragile relationship with the US. This is not a climate in which to say we can craft a better future,” he explained.
“Friends, no, this is not the time for Canada to shine. As we go forwards, expect more of the same. Less corporate taxes, increased foreign ownership, and massive cuts to arts funding.”
Harper also promised to keep course with the current economic policy which will inevitably lead to inflation, a U.S. style housing meltdown, and a job market that will make Ireland look like a hotbed of employment.
Despite rising operations costs, corporations will continue to profit by cutting expenses, mainly through outsourcing labour overseas, unpaid internships, and low paying contract or part-time employee positions.
“The future is not ours,” he said. “It belongs to high paid CEOs, China, and possibly India.”
Concluded Harper: “Yes we can’t.”
with files by Amir Ahmed
