VATICAN CITY – The whirlwind of economic hardship battering the eurozone has now reached the Holy See, where officials report that the unemployment rate has skyrocketed to an all-time high of fiv…
Tag: Vatican City
Pope Francis admits he meant to invite Larry David, not Bernie Sanders, to Vatican
VATICAN CITY – In a stunning admission Friday afternoon, Pope Francis confessed that he mistakenly invited Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, instead of American comedian Larry Dav…
Progressive Pope gives up celibacy for Lent
HOLY SEE – Continuing the trend of his liberal reign as Catholicism’s spiritual leader, Pope Francis I has announced that he will be giving up celibacy for Lent this year. As modern traditi…
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
UPDATE: Smoke rises from conclave; cardinals red-eyed, hungry and unable to make decision
VATICAN CITY – The 115 member Cardinal Conclave in the Sistine Chapel signaled that it was unable to determine the next pope by burning a suspicious smelling substance. “Yeah, we weren’t able to …
UPDATE: Pope resigns to spend more time with kids
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced his intention to resign from the Papacy on Sunday, and sources close to the Pope are saying he’s excited to spend more time with kids. “He’s got a lot o…
Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
Catholic Church rebrands Original Sin as ‘Sin Classic’
VATICAN CITY – Looking to renew interest in Catholicism among consumers aged 16-27, the Catholic Church announced yesterday that it would be rebranding its Original Sin to ‘Sin Classi…
Pope no longer returning God’s calls
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI, Bishop of Rome and Servant of the Servants of God, has not been returning God’s phone calls, according to Pontifical Household sources. “It’s really …