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Tag: Tim Hortons
Tim Hortons celebrates Canada 150 by replacing Double-Double with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuple
OAKVILLE, ON – In celebration of Canada’s 150th birthday, Canada’s favourite coffee chain will replace their world famous Double-Doubles with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuples for a limited ti…
Tim Hortons launches answer to Unicorn Frappuccino: a cup of neon paint
OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint. T…
Legal action forces restaurant to rebrand deathly hot wings as diarrhea wings
Burlington, ON – Following a class action law suit local sports bar Beer ‘n’ Birds Bar and Grill has been found guilty of false advertising after promoting their ghost pepper wings as ‘deat…
Tim Hortons employees completely unaware of what’s on menu
BURLINGTON, ON – Several customers were forced to leave a Tim Hortons hungry yesterday after staff of the coffee shop admitted that none of them had any idea what was on the menu. Like many…
CRTC decrees Tim Hortons ads meet Canadian content requirements
Toronto, ON – In an unprecedented move the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has allowed advertisements for the ubiquitous coffee chain Tim Hortons to be counted t…
Sidelined Crosby returns to Tim Hortons drive-thru job
Cole Harbour, NS – Pittsburgh Penguins Captain Sidney Crosby has returned to work at a Nova Scotia Tim Hortons after a concussion put the two-time Stanley Cup winner out of regular season p…
PEI tabloid enters third straight week of Jack and Cheryl coverage
CHARLOTTETOWN – Prince Edward Island’s leading tabloid magazine The Tater has now entered its third consecutive week of in depth coverage on local couple Jack and Cheryl’s relationship. Res…
BREAKING: Gas station bathroom will have to do
OUTSIDE BRANDON, MANITOBA – Late breaking reports from the TransCanada Highway indicate that, with all other conceivable options off the table, the men’s room of the Fast Gas N Go will have…
Polls suggest Canadians want minorities to assimilate to culture they can’t define
CANADA – New polls suggest that 68% of Canadians want minorities to assimilate to Canadian culture while simultaneously having no idea what that really means. “Canada is a cultural mosaic,”…
